I keep seeing these threads in a forum on deviantART by people complaining about how women are so confusing/evil/stupid/whatever and then the equal and opposite threads complaining that men are so confusing/evil/stupid/whatever. I always answer with the same thing, and I’m getting pretty fucking sick of typing it out over and over again, so I figured I may as well rant about it and get it out of my system once and for all. So, without further ado, HERE are the secrets of men and women’s behaviour!

PEOPLE are all individuals. Yes, they are. WE are. We all have individual thought processes, behaviour patterns, perceptions, opinions, reasons for saying/doing/thinking/feeling things, insecurities, fears, passions etc. We do our thinking and perceiving with our BRAIN, not our GENITALS. Therefore, our personalities are not actually defined by what does or does not dangle between our legs.

There is the issue of social conditioning. I am aware of this. I know a lot about it, which I won’t bore you with now. I spent longer than I would’ve liked studying it, researching it and writing papers on it many moons ago. It can account for CERTAIN aspects of gender socialisation and role definition, but it does not by any stretch of the imagination mean that all people of a certain gender automatically think and behave in the same way. Gender role socialisation is generally not a positive thing, and by whining that “Girls are so confusing!” and “Guys are all jerks!” you are simply contributing to the negative effect of society’s past misconceptions. And if you EVER dare to use the excuse “It’s cause I’m male/female!” to justify doing something retarded, you are a dick and should learn to take responsibility for your own actions instead of blaming biology or society.

So, here are a few quick answers to thing which appear to plague the people who make the Help With Life forum on deviantART the festering pit of absolute wank that it is.

There is no right or wrong way to ask someone out. It depends on the person and the situation, and cultural issues and social issues and your own confidence and feelings.

There is no definite way to tell if someone likes you without them either telling you or performing some blindingly obvious act to demonstrate their feelings, like kissing you or having sex with you. And even then you can’t always be sure of their motives.

Guys are not all either good looking bastards or ugly geeks. It is actually possible to be nice looking, confident AND a great person, or ugly, shy and an absolute asshole.

Girls are not all either sluts or virgins. It is actually possible for a woman to (gasp!) enjoy sex and have sex and be open and unashamed about her sexuality and STILL have bags of self-respect and self-esteem.

If you think s/he’s cheating, s/he probably is. Or you’re violently insecure about yourself and your ability to satisfy your partner. Or there’s something wrong with your relationship. Or you’re a dishonest shitebag and you judge everyone by your own revoltingly low standards. Or your partner has been dishonest in the past and doesn’t appear to have changed their ways. ANY of those situations means that you need to have a serious talk and be open to any possibility, and be prepared to deal with the situation without excess suspicion or denial.

If your partner cheats on you once, they’ll probably do it again. Statistically proven, apparently. Fair enough, some people DO only cheat once, but that doesn’t apply to many people. It all has to do with honesty and respect.

If you partner starts going out with you before they dump their last boy/girlfriend, they’ll probably do the same to you. Pretty much the same as the point above. Honesty and respect. Lacking.

ALL men or ALL women don’t do [whatever!]. SOME might. The majority might. All the ones you’ve met might. But as soon as you start making judgements like this about half the humans on the planet, you are inhibiting your chance to get to know new people as the unique and complex individuals that they are.

Strangers on a website cannot possibly know if your girlfriend is cheating on you, if your boyfriend wants to dump you, if that girl in your English class likes you etc. We have not met you. We have not met the person you are referring to. We only have YOUR perception of events to base our judgements upon, and since YOU don’t know the person you’re talking about well enough to assess their behaviour, your perceptions aren’t much use to us. At least have the sense to ask people who KNOW both you and the person you’re asking about IN PERSON, preferably well. Or be a grown-up and ask the person yourself. We also don’t know why you can’t get a girlfriend or why your last boyfriend dumped you. Because we DON’T KNOW YOU.