Ghost of Waiting, 1st January.
12th in my 365 Project.

This year I will probably…

Try to get a handle on the anxiety which results from seeing numbers not ending in 5 or 0, specifically when related to volume of music, amounts of food and digital clock displays.

To actually take medication when I need to instead of waiting until my whole body seizes up in pain-convulsions, rendering me entirely useless. Sorry Chuck Norris, but pain isn’t always weakness leaving the body.

To stop determining my value as a human being based on my physical ability to do ridiculous amounts of work which could, in fact, genuinely wait until later. I need to recognise that I am more than my level of productivity at any given time.

To challenge what has become a subconscious reaction and quit analysing my body in terms of my perceived assessment of the size of other women I see in passing. It is very fucked up to feel that way in the first place. I know it is.

To remember a piece of wonderful advice from a tutor at college who happened to choose the perfect moment to say Don’t judge your entire life on the bad days.

Happy 2010 to all who wander this way. Our fridge died today so I’m currently working my way through a massive chunk of Cornish Cruncher cheese with chili and what feels like a few gallons of apple juice. It’s an interesting start to the year.